The love you take is equal to the love you make. {For James}

[chasingtwisters]

After her research at the library leaves her with nothing but more questions, Moira finally works up the nerve to make her way over to James' place. She heads to her cottage first to shower, quickly throwing on less ragged clothing before tying her hair up and all but bolting out of the door. She knows she should bring something as a peace offering, but every idea her mind comes up with sounds terrible, so she settles on just herself.

She casts a glamour on herself to avoid the media storm currently overrunning the town, quickly maneuvering between the crowds to make her way to James' place.

Before she realizes it, she's at his door, hand poised to knock. Fuck, what does she even say? An apology barely covers it. She sighs. She'll have to figure it out on her own. She knocks, and waits.

Comments

[jamesthorn]

James is outside when her knock comes. He's been rearranging nearly everything in his house, cleaning and putting everything back in order, in it's proper place. These few months he hasn't had time to concentrate on these things, between work and Moira, he's found his attention caught up on other things. But now....he's had plenty of time to catch up. He hears the knock faintly when it comes the second time and he rolls his eyes, thinking it has to be Demetri, since James isn't answer his phone calls. How many calls does James need to ignore before his brother understands he's not going to that damn Beach Bash? Leaning the broom against the side of the house, he trots back inside.

If James hadn't been such a grouch lately, he wouldn't been glad to see his brother. Demetri's been away for so long, and James has missed him.

He opens the door, prepared to fight tooth and nail on leaving. But it isn't Demetri. It's actually the last person James expects to be standing on his porch. "Moira...." The surprised a bit evident in his tone. Parts of him are happy to see her, but other parts are....she bailed on him after the island. She told him she was leaving, and that's it. Even with everything that was going on with Violet, he doesn't think that's how relationships are supposed to work. And he doesn't like it. "What are you doing here?" he asks, still clutching the door, deciding if he wanted her to come inside.

[chasingtwisters]

Yeah, this is going to suck, she tells herself, standing on James porch as he comes to the door. He looks...well, like James always looks: like someone has replaced his coffee with lead. Except this time, Moira knows, he has a very good reason for looking like that. Motherfucker, maybe she didn't think this through.

"I realize I'm probably the last person you want to see right now," she says, glancing down at the ground before bringing her gaze back up to meet his. "And I don't blame you. But I wanted to apologize and to talk, if you'd be willing to hear me out."

[jamesthorn]

He stares at the ground for a second, attempting to take a deeper breath to calm himself. He is frustrated by her decision to leave town, but he has missed her. And he is glad to see how good she looks, he can even tell her stomach has grown. Not very much but her pregnancy is more obvious than it had been a few weeks ago. 

Sighing James steps back inside. He realizes he wants to hear what she has to say. Even if he is upset at her skipping town. "Yeah. I guess. Come in," he says, letting her go through and shutting the door. "I didn't realize you were coming back yet..." Since you didn't really call, he thinks to himself.

[chasingtwisters]

She lets out a sigh of relief when he opens the door, following him into the house with less dread than before. She owes him a lot, she realizes. Beyond an explanation or an apology, and she doesn't know how she can possibly convey how sorry she really is. And, of course, her nausea picks this moment to kick back in. She swallows it down, determined to make it through this without losing her scant breakfast.

"I should have called," she says, running a hand through her hair. "I should have done a lot of things."

She leans against the wall, not wanting to impose on him any more than she has to; she imagines he must be angry enough with her as it is.

"It was stupid of me to leave town, especially after my own mother fled," she begins. "I really, really didn't think that through, and I should have. And I should have given you more of an explanation than I did. I...I panicked." It isn't easy for her to admit it, any more than it is easy for her to tell James all of this. She hasn't told anyone yet the real reason for her sudden departure: that she would end up her mother's daughter after all.

"I was thinking of myself, and only myself," she continues, staring James directly in the face as she talks. She wants him to know she means every word. "And that isn't fair, to you, or the rest of my family, who are all rightfully pissed at me too. You all deserve better than that, and I don't know how I'm going to make it up to you, but I'm working on that part. I'm...I just...I'm sorry."

[jamesthorn]

James perches on the arm rest of his couch, not wanting to get comfortable, to let Moira think he intends for her to stay longer than necessary. He doesn't know if he wants her to stay. She starts speaking, and the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. She's sorry. She should've called. Yeah, she totally should have done all those things. He just doesn't know why everyone was so easily brushed aside in the midst of absolute chaos and confusion over what Violet has done. How Moira reacted scares James. He let Moira in, and he is second-guessing himself for doing that, to realize how easily she can just go. He doesn't want someone that is going to up and leave...

He watches the emotions pass over her face as she tells him she's sorry, and he wishes it could so easily make everything better. He's missed her tremendously. "Look, Moira," he says, unfolding his arms. "I don't want to tell you how to live your life but---" Maybe it isn't fair to compare his situation to hers. He just knows if it was him, he wouldn't have left his siblings to fend for themselves. He isn't sure how he feels about the fact that Moira did. "Your sisters needed you after the island. They really took a beating in the press, and you skipping town only made it worse."

He just thinks you take care of your family, of the people you care about when bad things happen. "And I was angry at you...am angry I guess. I didn't know what to think," he admits because even the explanation he received was vague at best.

[chasingtwisters]

Moira doesn't know that she can explain what drove her to leave. In the wake of her mother's abandonment of the town and everyone in it, something in her snapped. A realization of how easily she could become like the woman she loathes and fears the most; a realization that, in the right circumstances, she could turn into her own worst nightmare.

This, combined with the fear that Moira knows she is in no way or shape to become a mother. How can she can care for a child when she can barley look after her own family?

And now, of course, there's the added bonus of her resembling the witch said to have cursed the town to begin with.

She's not completely imperceptive to the way James' barely leans on the rest of the couch; he doesn't want her here, and who could blame him? She fucked up, just like Viviana Coombs before her.

"I know it was shitty of me, beyond shitty," she amends, looking out of the window. "And my entire family deserves better than that, believe me, I know. Alodia really...let me have it the other day, and she was right to do so."

She feels the hotness of tears spring to the corners of her eyes, and she curses under her breath. She is not going to break down here, not in front of James.

"I know these are just words, and I don't blame you for being angry with me, even hating me," she says, keeping her gaze firmly out of the window. Her stomach rolls then, and she winces. Fuck, she is not getting sick on top of nearly crying; not today. "I fucked up and all I can do is work to fix that, if I can."

"Oh, God, I'm sorry, can I use your - " she shudders and slams her hand across her mouth as her stomach revolts for what feels like the millionth time.

[jamesthorn]

Her apology only goes so far to ease his anger. He wants to just forget it. He wants to grab her in his arms and tell her things will be okay, but he isn't sure if that's what he should do. Though perhaps it is. Perhaps he should just be there for her. Given the advice he's just gave her, shouldn't he be there for her too? She knows she fucked up, and he has no reason to punish her aside from simply his pride and hurt feelings. He just...Moira hurt him. When they got involved with each other, he gave her that power, and she's scared him into thinking maybe he shouldn't have. Did he really know her? Was she the type of person to run off all the time? What did he even know about her past relationships? He had never asked.

It's just starting to seem like a pattern for her. Running away when things get hard. James doesn't operate like that.

However, as he is considering what to tell her next, Moira gets this desperate look in her eyes and covers her mouth with her hand. He realizes she's sick, and his instinct is dash towards her. He helps her down the hallway to the small guest bathroom. "Here, here," he says, directing her towards the toilet after he flips back the seat. He sits down on the edge of the bathtub, and he can't help himself. He puts a hand on her face and brushes the hair away from her eyes, hoping she feels better.

"I don't hate you," James tells her in the end. Of course James doesn't hate her. He's too angry with her for that to be the case.

[chasingtwisters]

She knows, from her experience with Alodia from the other day, that she can't simply make this right with an apology. James expects more and deserves more than that. And she knows that she's let him down, in her fleeing town; ironically, her desire to escape her mother only proves how similar in nature they really are. The thought hangs over her as she pukes her guts out in James' toilet, only helping to aggravate her stomach more. God, she hates morning sickness. And if she's honest with herself, she kind of hates this baby, at the moment.

She closes her eyes at his simple touch, appreciative of the soothing gesture even though she knows he must still be so angry with her.

"I...thank you," she says, looking up at him. Because it means more than she can say, and she realizes then how important it is to her what James thinks of her.